OK, so for the first time I will not address a business issue but something personal. Have you heard of the World Book of Happiness? It is well sold all over the world and it has the outcomes of the top 100 long term scientific researches around the world about happiness. Now the World book of Love has been published, the outcomes of the top 100 long term scientific researches about Love. I was fundamentally curious what the outcome was. So, I read this thick book. It does present the 100 researches, but it does not draw conclusions from all 100. So, I did that for you and combined it with some insights from earlier reading. These are the six fundamental principles that will keep your love relation working a lifetime.

Shared inspiration

Almost all love relations start with shared inspiration. Something that inspired you both, that you could talk about endlessly and that both of you gladly spent time on. Keep this shared inspiration alive, give it time and energy, keep talking about it and it will stay the heartbeat of your relation.

Admiration

There are some things in your partner that you have admired from the start, that made you love her or him. Keep admiring, all flowers need sun.  Although you maybe have witnessed the admirable behavior for a long time and admired and complimented it dozens of times, it is still worth your admiration. Keep up with the compliments. Giving admiration inspires yourself as much as the one that receives the compliment.

A better version of yourself

People in love are a better version of themselves in the neighborhood of their loved one. And that better version of yourself is also more pleasant for yourself to live with. Why don’t you ask a long term friend how your love changed you for the better? Show appreciation for the little things your partner always does for you, making your live easier.

Facing a problem together

Arguments between loved-ones tend to become fierce, because you know each others weaknesses so well. Try this: define the problem together and then face it together. Do not represent one side of the problem. Represent both sides together, including what the problem means for you as a couple. By the way: far the best way of arguing less is not to start an argument yourself. Try it and experience how much less fights you have.

Forgive

When your love has been stupid: forgive. Forgiveness is very important to keep a love alive. It also makes your own live more comfortable, because something the other did and you did not forgive will occupy your mind and cause you stress. Make the list of stupidities of your partner and forgive them. Your lover and love  will thrive on it.

And then…

If your loved one has a persistent behavior that you really cannot stand.

If you have discussed it time and time again but nothing changed.

If you really cannot live with it and are desperate, not able to accept your life with the outlook that it will continue.

If you really have reached the end of the line and cannot go on anymore…

Then change yourself. Yes you can. It is the ultimate solution of love. Change yourself.

And now that we have gone through all of this for your private life: how about applying this to your team in your organization?

 

Tom Kok

Author Tom Kok

More posts by Tom Kok